Traffic congestion on EDSA has become so laughably hopeless that we’ve reached a weird point where all these crazy ideas for a possible solution are starting to surface on a regular basis. There’s the suggestion for a brand-coding scheme. There’s another for the banning of private vehicles from the clogged highway during rush hour. There’s even a loopy proposal by some motoring writer for an EDSA lottery. And, oh, still remember our April Fools’ Day piece in which we tried to convince you that Bonifacio Global City was about to implement a “once-a-week ban on private cars according to vehicle type”?

Yeah, we’re now at the breaking point where we’d willingly consider anything—as in anything—just to try and solve the problem that is Epifanio de los Santos Avenue. We even suspect that if MMDA EDSA traffic boss Edison “Bong” Nebrija invited the public to bash wayward buses with baseball bats, stores selling sporting goods would instantly make a killing (or rake in money, just so we’re clear).

Yesterday, we thought: Well, since we’re now ready to entertain even the most absurd recommendations from people who are either just joking (netizens) or trolling (politicians), we might as well give everyone a chance to contribute. On our Facebook page, we posted: “Fix EDSA in five words.” Boy, did we get really creative answers, and we’d like to share the best ones with you. Funny how many of our readers/followers can think of five-word ideas that are far better (or at least more entertaining) than the long-winded rambling of our lawmakers.

1. Study the problem properly first. –Miguel Consing

2. Implement two-day car-coding. –Jacob Guiller

3. A nationalized EDSA bus company. –Leonard Ana Form

4. Consistency in upholding the law. –Christian Caballes

5. Eradicate dilapidated, smoke-belching automobiles. –Jovic Español

6. Require garage for registering cars. –Rhys Hinlo Buntua

7. Increase down payment for cars. –Allan Nidea

8. Make vehicle ownership very expensive. –Juan Paolo Viloria

9. Fuel price: P100 per liter. –Mike de Joya

10. Strictly enforce designated bus stops. –Francis Lorenz Espiritu

11. Make acquiring a car harder. –Yabee Eusebio

12. Alisin ang mga p&%#$@!+<$^! bus. – Javin Balugay

13. Make auto loan requirements strict. –Emmanuel Rei Zamora

14. Remove bus terminals in Cubao. –Garnett Esquillo Rivera

15. Ban colorums. Ban boundary system. –Joey Pelea

16. Heavy fines for undisciplined drivers. –Ederson Alfato

17. Forget cars. Let us bike. –Carl Nathan Mier

18. Public transportation for public officials. –Agnes Andrada

19. Private cars, C5. PUVs, EDSA. –Dennis Lee

20. Remove the provincial/Manila rate. –Jesus Ulanday Tomas

21. Subway trains and elevated roads. –Tonzi Adato

22. Lagyan ng pangil ang batas. –Andrei Marasigan

23. Hire expert traffic-management consultants. –Ma Koy

24. Remove big malls along EDSA. –Eisele Buntua

25. Strict enforcement round the clock. –Jeffrey Reblora

26. Implement carpool and emergency lane. –Jet de Mesa

27. Give back sidewalks to pedestrians. –Patrick Peñaojas Peñaredondo

28. One-hundred-peso toll fee. –Arnold Rivera

29. Go back to the province. –Jason Dizon

30. Pagbawalan mga kamote sa daan. –Jose Raul Paralejo Jr.

31. Congestion charge during rush hour. –Philipp Mac

32. Put bus-stop time limit. –Peter Gerard Tiu Tan

33. Teach road discipline in school. –Vans Paz

34. License exam dapat parang UPCAT. –Benson Sta. Ana

35. Implement one car per household. –Arman Muhi

36. Stop complaining online. Start biking. –Keisha Alena Mayuga

37. Equal opportunity outside the capital. –Vincent Derrick Recto Cachila

38. Stop making Metro Manila imperial. –Allan Dayle Basa

39. Ride-sharing is the way. –Aeron Co

40. Lawmakers should drive on EDSA. –Alvin Asistores

41. San Miguel Elevated Super Motorway. –Danny Isla

42. No police escort for VIPs. –James Wee Reyes

43. Efficient mass-transport system needed. –Lisa Peñano

44. Discipline, discipline, discipline, discipline, discipline. –Jeff Cervantes

45. Make Cebu the capital city. –Earvin John Ocaba

46. Pinoy drivers must read VISOR. –Drei Medina

We salute all of you! That’s five words, lest you fail to notice.